Not Love At First Sight…

17 Sep

…at least not for him.

I read this hilarious blog post about a woman farting on the first date called The Fart That (Almost) Altered My Destiny.  When reading it, I literally had tears rolling down my face from laughing so hard.

It reminded me of the first weekend Joseph and I were paired together for Fish Camp and I thought I would share this delightful experience with everyone.

Joseph and I had only known each other for a week when we were assigned co-chair partners for Fish Camp.  For those of you who aren’t familiar with Fish Camp at Texas A&M University, I’m sorry.  But basically this meant that we were to work together to select 24 amazing counselors, train them and bond with them for about 7 months so they would be the perfect mentors for the incoming freshmen.  It is an awesome program that changed my life!

Anyways, there is a bonding period for co-chairs before they pick their counselors so they have time to get to know each other and figure out what kind of vision they have of their perfect camp and what kind of counselors would best represent this vision for the freshmen.

The day after Joseph and I were officially paired together, they had all the partnerships participate in something called Challenge Works.  It is this place out in the woods in Bryan that has all of these obstacle courses and puzzles to test your ability to work together to accomplish a goal.  Joseph and I basically saw it as an athletic challenge against everyone else since we like to be competitive.

The morning of Challenge Works, everyone met on campus to carpool over to this place in Bryan.  As everyone was walking out to the vehicles, they told us to use the restroom before we left because there wasn’t one out there to use.  I, having the tiny bladder that God blessed me with, definitely needed heed this warning and ran to the little girls room.  I set my stuff on the floor in the hallway and made Joseph keep an eye on it for me.  When I returned from the restroom, I squatted down to pick up my pile of things and heard this horrifying “Rrriiipp!” and felt a slight draftiness on my rear end.

I stood up quickly, eyes wide open with sheer panic, and turned with my backside to the wall.  Feeling the back of my jeans, I could tell that it was a decent size hole, but was optimistic that maybe it felt worse than it really was.   I walked over to Joseph (keep in mind we had probably only had 3 conversations before this point in time) and turned my back to him and asked how bad it was.  He just laughed and said, “You’re good” like it was not a big deal.  His laughing continued and was awfully suspicious so I yelled to Chelsea, my roommate at the time and a fellow co-chair, to get her opinion.  I walked over to her and turned my back to her and she responded with laughing and saying, “Oh my God!  What are you going to do?!”  The hole was along the middle seam of my jeans literally from the top of my butt crack all the way down to my crotch!  Of course that day I wasn’t wearing conservative undies so it was Blair’s bare ass for the world to see!

Chelsea didn’t have an extra pair of shorts for me to borrow and I asked around to every co-chair female I could find and finally came across a pair of guy’s athletic shorts.  Since I am not the tallest girl in the world, these shorts came down past my knees but they had a drawstring to keep them on so it was good enough for me!

this is how long they were even with the harness bunching them up

But the embarrassment didn’t end there…

Our first challenge was to walk across 3 suspended, twisted tight ropes about 2.5 stories high while our partners served as our belay on the ground.  Since I love adventure, I quickly volunteered to go first.  Once I got up there, I looked like this:

a lot more challenging that it looks!

Chelsea walked by and yelled up at me, “Hey!  I can see up your shorts!”  With the fiasco concerning my lower half of my wardrobe already this morning, I freaked out and out of instinct yelled back, “Oh my God! Can you see my vagina?!”  I’m pretty sure Joseph almost let go of my belay rope at this moment.  Everyone (I’m talking 40+ people) was looking up at me and so I yelled, “Seriously! Chelsea, tell me!”  She laughed and said that she was just joking but for minute I thought I was going to have to charge everyone on the ground a significant fee for looking at my lady business!

But was that the end to my misery for the day?  Of course not…

Once our group finished with the high tight ropes, we moved on to a low tight rope, which was about 2 feet off the ground and made of hard wire.  The challenge was for you and your partner to work together to walk all the way across without falling off.  Again, I volunteered us to go first.  Everyone that was not participating had to “spot” the people on the rope by holding their arms up to catch us if we fall.  They kept reiterating that our hands needed to look like spoons, not forks…what does that even mean?

Joseph, those are clearly forks.                                                  (that’s Chelsea in the middle)

No one really “spotted” us because it was highly unnecessary seeing as we were only 2 feet off the ground.  Joseph and I owned this challenge mainly due to his monkey-like wing span and our sweet balancing skills.

The only “spotting” going on is if Joseph fell forward, he would get a fist to the face

We finished this challenge and became the “spotters” for the other groups.  One partnership was about to go and all of the “spotters” were on one side.  Our group leader told us that someone needed to hop over to the other side to spot and I sarcastically raised one hand in the air with my pointer finger straight up saying, “I’ll do it!” like I was a superhero or something.

Karma is a real biatch to the sarcastic people in this world.

What I meant to do was jump over the wire to the other side and pretend to spot people.  What actually happened was nothing of that nature.  As I was leaping over the wire, I didn’t quite raise my front foot high enough and my ankle got caught on the wire which in turn made my other foot catch on the wire.  I made an awkward screaming noise that sounded a bit like, “Ahhhrrgghhh!” and fell flat on my face.  Falling is kind of an understatement.  It was more of like slamming down flat on my face.  I have no idea what my hands were doing, but they definitely weren’t catching my fall.  They were sprawled out next to me like some Wile E. Coyote cartoon.

like this but face-first into the ground

 It hurt really badly but was hilarious at the same time.  (At least I can laugh at myself, right?)  In a matter of minutes I had a knot on my forehead, leaves and small twigs stuck in my hair and on my clothing, bruises forming on my shoulders, hips, and knee and one of those lovely burn-scrape cuts from the wire getting caught on my ankle.

We were all in tears from laughing at my misfortune and I looked over at Joseph who was just looking down with his hand over his face, shaking his head.  I think if it was up to him, he would have bailed on our partnership right then and there.  But luckily for me, he was stuck with this short end of the stick!

I just looked at him, smiled and said, “Welcome to our lives together for the next 7 months!  At least I am breaking you in early!”

One Response to “Not Love At First Sight…”

  1. mbneeley September 17, 2012 at 12:41 PM #

    Wouldn’t be the first time I thought they switched my baby at birth !! Gotta Love ya.

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